YOU GUYS.
OH MY GAH, YOU GUYS.
SERIOUSLY!
You know what I'm this flippin' excited about?!
TOWELS!
...
...
Yep, it's that ridiculous. And I know you're at least a little disappointed in me, but hear me out. About four years ago, I got these really cute towel/washcloth sets for my bathroom. Fluffy white towels with a striped border of one plum stripe and one hot-pink stripe. I had my very own twee little apartment for the first time in EVER, so I had liberty to decorate as fluffy-pants girly as I wanted, and boy howdy was I going to go all the way. Hence the pink-and-purple towels and the hot pink bath rug. I had visions, folks--visions of setting women's rights back two, maybe three hundred years with the sheer vapor-having, corset-wearing, lace-betrimmed, tacky-ass fluffery of my bathroom. Oh, it was going to have hot pink shit all over the damn place, and little Eiffel Towers and pictures of teacups with stupid shit like "Le Tea" printed on them, and potted African violets, and everything was going to match my pink and purple towels.
Needless to say, my visions did not come true, as we still maintain the right to vote. Part of the reason is because, after I acquired said towels, they stopped being in stock. Anywhere. I searched high and low in bath decor for things that would match those colors, but it's a futile effort, lemme tell ya. So I gave up and got some lavender towels and went on with my life, sort of. Every time I was in a Target or TJ Maxx or Bed, Bath & Beyond, I'd surreptitiously meander through the towel section, just to see if they had anything in those magical shades of pink and purple--particularly more towels, because something in my Southern belle nature just won't let me rest until all my damn towels match.
I'd given up. I'd started contemplating other color schemes, even. Until today.
I was in the K-mart looking for a pair of cheap, slutty shoes because my husband and I have actually started going on dates every now and again and you gotta keep that romance alive but still mind your budget. After being disappointed that K-mart, of all places, had nary a cheap, slutty shoe on the shelf, I wandered past the bath section on my way out. And there, right there, staring me in the face, were MY EXACT TOWELS.
THE VERY SAME TOWELS. STRIPES AND ALL.
THE ENTIRE SET, YOU GUYS.
FULLY STOCKED.
They had the bath towels, the hand towels, the washcloths, the bath mats, the toilet rugs, the whole frackin' shebang, in striped, in pink, in plum, in plain white--friends, they had it all! I just about fell over in sheer cottony delight. I would have done a victorious song and dance right there in the aisles, but there were people around, buying marked-down marshmallow Peeps, and I thought they might call someone to come take the crazy lady screaming, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! THEY'RE TOWELS!" off to the loony bin.
So instead I very quietly selected a few bath coordinates and nonchalantly sauntered to the checkout line, hoping no one else noticed how perfect and awesome my towels were (stay away from my frickin' towels, denizens of K-mart; I'll be back on payday). My inner Martha Stewart can rest easy for now.
And yes, I know this has all sounded completely, mind-blowingly silly. But at least I know where my towel is, a'ight? (And if you don't get that reference, drop what you're doing right now and go read this book. I don't care if you're in traffic; they'll wait. Plus, you'll be a better person for it.)
