Well hello, childrens. I know it's been some time since I've posted a new blog, but I've been spending most of my time these days working at an actual job for money, so I haven't had much time for folderol and frippery. However, with the holidays well upon us, I do get some time off, and I get to do a lot more of two things I like: cooking and drinking.
This year's Thanksgiving was one of the best I've had in years. My husband and I got to spend time with family and friends, and I got to go completely apeshit in the kitchen. Some truly magical stuff happened there, I gotta tell ya, and Paula Deen would be proud of the amount of calorie-bombing goodness I crammed in there. Let some trendy women's magazine scold you about healthy holiday alternatives, if that's what you're into; if you're reading this blog to collect recipes, chances are you don't give a shit.
So here you go. Installment One of a slew of recipes guaranteed to give you The Itis. Today, we start with the topping.
Mama's Fat-Ass Duck & Mushroom Gravy
What Y'all Need:
About 1 1/2 cups of duck fat. Delicious, delicious duck fat, root of all that is tasty.
About 1 cup of bird drippin's from a roasted turkey or chicken.
Around 2 cups of all-purpose flour.
3-4 cups of hot bird stock.
1 carton of mixed mushrooms, diced. I used white button and portabella.
1/2 of a nice-sized sweet onion, diced.
Some white pepper.
What Y'all Do:
Get out your 5-quart Dutch oven (or if you don't have one, a big pot or pan, but seriously, get a Dutch oven. TJ Maxx, like 60 bucks!) and warm it up on the stove-top at medium-low heat. Drop about 2 tablespoons of duck fat in that bad boy and let it melt, then toss in your onions and fry 'em up for a couple of minutes. Then add in your mushrooms. Let the onions and mushrooms cook together for another minute or two, then add in the rest of your duck fat and start stirring.
Once everything's evenly coated and glistening, start slowly adding your flour. You want it to integrate with the fat and form a dense paste. You can reserve back some of your flour, because if you're like me, you don't measure anyway and you just eyeball everything. Anyway, you want that paste to get just this side of golden-brown, and you should be kinda struggling to stir that delicious mess. At this point, pour in your bird drippin's, dust it with a little more flour, and stir until everything's pretty much evenly mixed. Then slowly add in your stock and keep stirring. Do not stop stirring; you don't want this stuff to stick. Keep adding stock and cooking it up until it's nice and thick, but do not let it boil. Add white pepper to taste.
This will make almost a half-gallon of gravy. You can hook you up an I.V. bag and just mainline it if you want to go straight to coronary-town, but I recommend ladling it tenderly over your holiday feast, and the leftovers you'll be eating for the next week, and spreading the damage out a little.
Keep checking back for more holiday recipes, and start prepping that nap couch.
Showing posts with label recipes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recipes. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Because Chicken Soup Can Fix Anything
One day I'm going to write a manifesto on how to argue without fighting and actually get your problem solved. But today is not that day; today is the day I talk about chicken soup.
If you're new to Fake Housewifing, and you're embarking on the adventure of cooking, I have two life hacks for you: get a crock pot, and buy your chicken with the bones in. I know, I know, boneless, skinless chicken breast is where it's at. But look at the prices sometime. And then look at the chicken breast with the bones and skin. You can get the same meat yield, but you'll pay a lot less per pack. Heck, I got me a bag of 16 chicken legs at the Ingles for $5 last week; you can't beat that with a stick, and you can freeze what you don't use right away.
"But Mama," I hear you cry, "isn't it going to be a lot of extra work de-boning and skinning all those chicken legs, just so you can cook them?" Heck no. Besides, I'm a Fake Housewife now; I've got an extra 5 minutes and a secret weapon: my crock pot.
The crock pot, my friends, is a wonderful kitchen tool, especially if you don't know how to cook. Just chuck you some meat and veggies in there, cover with broth and/or soup, and turn that sucker on. You can leave and go to work, or go run your errands, or take a nap, or get shit-faced drunk and fall down the stairs if you want; point is, you can just wander away, and when you get back, you done cooked something. It's that easy. And the thing about slow-cooking is, as long as you keep your liquid levels up, your meat will basically only get more soft, tender, and juicy as time goes on. This is why the crock pot is perfect for bone-in chicken: cook it thoroughly, and you can literally slide the bones out.
So here's y'all a soup recipe:
Mama's Creamy Chicken Soup
For chicken:
6 chicken drumsticks, bone in
4 vegetable bouillon cubes
5 chicken bouillon cubes
About 6-8 cups of warm water, depending on the size of your crock pot
(Or equivalent amount of chicken broth)
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
A touch of sage and pepper
Meat thermometer.
For soup:
3 cups milk (or soy milk)
1/2 cup white wine
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of chicken soup
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom or golden mushroom soup
2-3 cups delicious chicken water from your crock pot
Cooked chicken from crock pot
An indiscriminate buttload of fresh or frozen soup veggies (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas). Just however many you can fit in your pot.
You can cook your chicken a day ahead of time if need be. Just take all the ingredients from Part 1 and put them in your crock pot. Except for the meat thermometer; you'll need that uncooked. Turn your crock pot on high and go watch two or three episodes of Deadwood. Check your chicken with the meat thermometer and see whether it's done yet. If not, practice your new cowboy profanity and watch some more Deadwood. Repeat until your chicken reaches the appropriate core temperature. You can let your chicken cool a bit before you handle it, or you can grab some tongs and a fork and go ahead and attack it. Either way, the skin should just slip right off, and the bones should slip right out, and then you can break up your meat into little chicken-soup-sized pieces. If you're moving forward to the soup right away, just stick the meat in a bowl in the fridge; if not, toss it in a Tupperware and put it in the fridge, and save about 4 cups of the chicken broth from your crock pot. Bonus points if you store it in a mason jar, but just make sure to refrigerate it.
When you're ready for soup, put your milk, wine, condensed soup, and chicken water into a large pot and either stir it or whisk it until it's nice and smooth. Then add your veggies. You can add in your chicken later, since it's already cooked and will just need to warm up. Turn your heat on medium-low and let that concoction slowly come up to a near-boil, stirring vigilantly. Reduce your heat and add your chicken, then keep stirring for a few more minutes, just until it's nice and serving hot. Then serve it. If you feel inclined, make you some cheese toast to go with it.
Mmm. Now that's something great for a rainy February evening.
If you're new to Fake Housewifing, and you're embarking on the adventure of cooking, I have two life hacks for you: get a crock pot, and buy your chicken with the bones in. I know, I know, boneless, skinless chicken breast is where it's at. But look at the prices sometime. And then look at the chicken breast with the bones and skin. You can get the same meat yield, but you'll pay a lot less per pack. Heck, I got me a bag of 16 chicken legs at the Ingles for $5 last week; you can't beat that with a stick, and you can freeze what you don't use right away.
"But Mama," I hear you cry, "isn't it going to be a lot of extra work de-boning and skinning all those chicken legs, just so you can cook them?" Heck no. Besides, I'm a Fake Housewife now; I've got an extra 5 minutes and a secret weapon: my crock pot.
The crock pot, my friends, is a wonderful kitchen tool, especially if you don't know how to cook. Just chuck you some meat and veggies in there, cover with broth and/or soup, and turn that sucker on. You can leave and go to work, or go run your errands, or take a nap, or get shit-faced drunk and fall down the stairs if you want; point is, you can just wander away, and when you get back, you done cooked something. It's that easy. And the thing about slow-cooking is, as long as you keep your liquid levels up, your meat will basically only get more soft, tender, and juicy as time goes on. This is why the crock pot is perfect for bone-in chicken: cook it thoroughly, and you can literally slide the bones out.
So here's y'all a soup recipe:
Mama's Creamy Chicken Soup
For chicken:
6 chicken drumsticks, bone in
4 vegetable bouillon cubes
5 chicken bouillon cubes
About 6-8 cups of warm water, depending on the size of your crock pot
(Or equivalent amount of chicken broth)
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
A touch of sage and pepper
Meat thermometer.
For soup:
3 cups milk (or soy milk)
1/2 cup white wine
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of chicken soup
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom or golden mushroom soup
2-3 cups delicious chicken water from your crock pot
Cooked chicken from crock pot
An indiscriminate buttload of fresh or frozen soup veggies (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas). Just however many you can fit in your pot.
You can cook your chicken a day ahead of time if need be. Just take all the ingredients from Part 1 and put them in your crock pot. Except for the meat thermometer; you'll need that uncooked. Turn your crock pot on high and go watch two or three episodes of Deadwood. Check your chicken with the meat thermometer and see whether it's done yet. If not, practice your new cowboy profanity and watch some more Deadwood. Repeat until your chicken reaches the appropriate core temperature. You can let your chicken cool a bit before you handle it, or you can grab some tongs and a fork and go ahead and attack it. Either way, the skin should just slip right off, and the bones should slip right out, and then you can break up your meat into little chicken-soup-sized pieces. If you're moving forward to the soup right away, just stick the meat in a bowl in the fridge; if not, toss it in a Tupperware and put it in the fridge, and save about 4 cups of the chicken broth from your crock pot. Bonus points if you store it in a mason jar, but just make sure to refrigerate it.
When you're ready for soup, put your milk, wine, condensed soup, and chicken water into a large pot and either stir it or whisk it until it's nice and smooth. Then add your veggies. You can add in your chicken later, since it's already cooked and will just need to warm up. Turn your heat on medium-low and let that concoction slowly come up to a near-boil, stirring vigilantly. Reduce your heat and add your chicken, then keep stirring for a few more minutes, just until it's nice and serving hot. Then serve it. If you feel inclined, make you some cheese toast to go with it.
Mmm. Now that's something great for a rainy February evening.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Well, I'm Still in My Pajamas
One of the great things about being a Fake Housewife is that you're not always on camera, so nobody expects you to dress up just to flit around your house on a Prozac-and-Cosmopolitans high. But hey, I made the effort to at least coordinate my pajamas outfit--these fuzzy leopard pants match my pink robe perfectly, dammit. I've even got matching slippers. How's that for fancy?
I'm still in my pajamas because one of my standing rules for a successful day is to never do any work before breakfast. You may be wondering, "Who the heck works before breakfast, anyway?" Scattered housewives who've always had to adhere to a pretty regular schedule and have no clue what to do with themselves now that they're home all the time, that's who. Really, I think the biggest adjustment to "Work From Home" life has been having to set my own schedule, all day, every day. I know, I know, "Oh, boo-hoo, you poor thing, you mean you get to do what you want, all the damn time? Call the ACLU, it's a human rights violation!" But, like many people my age, given an inordinate amount of free time, I will do fuck-all with it. I will sit and dither and realize that the entire day has gone by and I have accomplished absolutely nothing. So I've had to start making rules. And I've discovered that if I pop out of bed and just start working on things, I get bogged down in little details, lose my "big-picture" focus, and forget to eat at all. No work before breakfast.
Speaking of breakfast, here's y'all a simple recipe. You can make it in the microwave, so you know it's extra-classy!
Mama's Mexi-Mocha Mix:
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp baking cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
Cayenne pepper
1 cup milk, or something like it (soy milk if you like, or straight half-and-half if you're feeling decadent)
Freshly brewed coffee of your choice.
In a substantial mug, combine your sugar, cocoa, vanilla, and cinnamon. I use just a dash of cayenne when I make this, but if you want more, have at it. Pour your milk in and give it a little stir. Your cocoa's going to float to the top pretty much no matter what you do, but it's fun to watch, so that's all right. Put your mug in the microwave on a middlin' setting (if you've got a "Beverage" setting, use that), and nuke it for a minute at a time, stirring in between. If you've got a small whisk, that works even better, because it breaks up the cocoa. Once you've got that hot, spicy chocolate steaming like you like it, add some fresh, hot coffee and enjoy the hell out of it.
You can also use a milk steamer if you've got one, or you can put your ingredients in a small saucepan instead of a mug and slowly heat it on the stove. You'll have to stir it pretty constantly to keep it from sticking or forming a skin, and that's where the whisk comes in handy again, but you end up with a very smooth mixture. I like the kick that the cayenne adds to it; it's a real eye-opener. Mmm, delicious spicy coffee.
Now that we've had our coffee, here's what's on the To-Do for today:
Well, it's Thursday, so that means I'm heading over to reddit/OneParagraph to do maintenance. I co-moderate this great little forum dedicated to very short stories--only one paragraph long. On Wednesdays I publish the "Weekly Challenge" feature, where I give the writers a subject, technique, or idea to incorporate, and on Thursdays I update the master list of all the challenges we've had. It's a great place; lots of good reads in there.
There's always an ongoing cleaning and organization project at the old homestead, of course.
And I'm going to try to figure out a crochet pattern for an amazing bacon and eggs scarf I saw online, because it kicks ass. (And hey, it's breakfast themed!)
Then I've got to start cataloging the art pieces I've got lying around; I'm set to do a big scanning project later this week or early next week, and that stuff isn't going to organize itself.
Anyhow; wherever you be, and whatever you're wearing, pajamas or otherwise, I hope you have a kickass day.
I'm still in my pajamas because one of my standing rules for a successful day is to never do any work before breakfast. You may be wondering, "Who the heck works before breakfast, anyway?" Scattered housewives who've always had to adhere to a pretty regular schedule and have no clue what to do with themselves now that they're home all the time, that's who. Really, I think the biggest adjustment to "Work From Home" life has been having to set my own schedule, all day, every day. I know, I know, "Oh, boo-hoo, you poor thing, you mean you get to do what you want, all the damn time? Call the ACLU, it's a human rights violation!" But, like many people my age, given an inordinate amount of free time, I will do fuck-all with it. I will sit and dither and realize that the entire day has gone by and I have accomplished absolutely nothing. So I've had to start making rules. And I've discovered that if I pop out of bed and just start working on things, I get bogged down in little details, lose my "big-picture" focus, and forget to eat at all. No work before breakfast.
Speaking of breakfast, here's y'all a simple recipe. You can make it in the microwave, so you know it's extra-classy!
Mama's Mexi-Mocha Mix:
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp baking cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
Cayenne pepper
1 cup milk, or something like it (soy milk if you like, or straight half-and-half if you're feeling decadent)
Freshly brewed coffee of your choice.
In a substantial mug, combine your sugar, cocoa, vanilla, and cinnamon. I use just a dash of cayenne when I make this, but if you want more, have at it. Pour your milk in and give it a little stir. Your cocoa's going to float to the top pretty much no matter what you do, but it's fun to watch, so that's all right. Put your mug in the microwave on a middlin' setting (if you've got a "Beverage" setting, use that), and nuke it for a minute at a time, stirring in between. If you've got a small whisk, that works even better, because it breaks up the cocoa. Once you've got that hot, spicy chocolate steaming like you like it, add some fresh, hot coffee and enjoy the hell out of it.
You can also use a milk steamer if you've got one, or you can put your ingredients in a small saucepan instead of a mug and slowly heat it on the stove. You'll have to stir it pretty constantly to keep it from sticking or forming a skin, and that's where the whisk comes in handy again, but you end up with a very smooth mixture. I like the kick that the cayenne adds to it; it's a real eye-opener. Mmm, delicious spicy coffee.
Now that we've had our coffee, here's what's on the To-Do for today:
Well, it's Thursday, so that means I'm heading over to reddit/OneParagraph to do maintenance. I co-moderate this great little forum dedicated to very short stories--only one paragraph long. On Wednesdays I publish the "Weekly Challenge" feature, where I give the writers a subject, technique, or idea to incorporate, and on Thursdays I update the master list of all the challenges we've had. It's a great place; lots of good reads in there.
There's always an ongoing cleaning and organization project at the old homestead, of course.
And I'm going to try to figure out a crochet pattern for an amazing bacon and eggs scarf I saw online, because it kicks ass. (And hey, it's breakfast themed!)
Then I've got to start cataloging the art pieces I've got lying around; I'm set to do a big scanning project later this week or early next week, and that stuff isn't going to organize itself.
Anyhow; wherever you be, and whatever you're wearing, pajamas or otherwise, I hope you have a kickass day.
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