Thursday, February 3, 2011

Because Chicken Soup Can Fix Anything

One day I'm going to write a manifesto on how to argue without fighting and actually get your problem solved. But today is not that day; today is the day I talk about chicken soup.

If you're new to Fake Housewifing, and you're embarking on the adventure of cooking, I have two life hacks for you: get a crock pot, and buy your chicken with the bones in. I know, I know, boneless, skinless chicken breast is where it's at. But look at the prices sometime. And then look at the chicken breast with the bones and skin. You can get the same meat yield, but you'll pay a lot less per pack. Heck, I got me a bag of 16 chicken legs at the Ingles for $5 last week; you can't beat that with a stick, and you can freeze what you don't use right away.

"But Mama," I hear you cry, "isn't it going to be a lot of extra work de-boning and skinning all those chicken legs, just so you can cook them?" Heck no. Besides, I'm a Fake Housewife now; I've got an extra 5 minutes and a secret weapon: my crock pot.

The crock pot, my friends, is a wonderful kitchen tool, especially if you don't know how to cook. Just chuck you some meat and veggies in there, cover with broth and/or soup, and turn that sucker on. You can leave and go to work, or go run your errands, or take a nap, or get shit-faced drunk and fall down the stairs if you want; point is, you can just wander away, and when you get back, you done cooked something. It's that easy. And the thing about slow-cooking is, as long as you keep your liquid levels up, your meat will basically only get more soft, tender, and juicy as time goes on. This is why the crock pot is perfect for bone-in chicken: cook it thoroughly, and you can literally slide the bones out.

So here's y'all a soup recipe:

Mama's Creamy Chicken Soup
For chicken:
6 chicken drumsticks, bone in
4 vegetable bouillon cubes
5 chicken bouillon cubes
About 6-8 cups of warm water, depending on the size of your crock pot
(Or equivalent amount of chicken broth)
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
A touch of sage and pepper
Meat thermometer.

For soup:
3 cups milk (or soy milk)
1/2 cup white wine
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of chicken soup
1 can (14 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom or golden mushroom soup
2-3 cups delicious chicken water from your crock pot
Cooked chicken from crock pot
An indiscriminate buttload of fresh or frozen soup veggies (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, peas). Just however many you can fit in your pot.

You can cook your chicken a day ahead of time if need be. Just take all the ingredients from Part 1 and put them in your crock pot. Except for the meat thermometer; you'll need that uncooked. Turn your crock pot on high and go watch two or three episodes of Deadwood. Check your chicken with the meat thermometer and see whether it's done yet. If not, practice your new cowboy profanity and watch some more Deadwood. Repeat until your chicken reaches the appropriate core temperature. You can let your chicken cool a bit before you handle it, or you can grab some tongs and a fork and go ahead and attack it. Either way, the skin should just slip right off, and the bones should slip right out, and then you can break up your meat into little chicken-soup-sized pieces. If you're moving forward to the soup right away, just stick the meat in a bowl in the fridge; if not, toss it in a Tupperware and put it in the fridge, and save about 4 cups of the chicken broth from your crock pot. Bonus points if you store it in a mason jar, but just make sure to refrigerate it.

When you're ready for soup, put your milk, wine, condensed soup, and chicken water into a large pot and either stir it or whisk it until it's nice and smooth. Then add your veggies. You can add in your chicken later, since it's already cooked and will just need to warm up. Turn your heat on medium-low and let that concoction slowly come up to a near-boil, stirring vigilantly. Reduce your heat and add your chicken, then keep stirring for a few more minutes, just until it's nice and serving hot. Then serve it. If you feel inclined, make you some cheese toast to go with it.

Mmm. Now that's something great for a rainy February evening.

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