Stay Classy, Georgia

Well, we're down to the wire with moving preparations; the husband and I decided some time ago to forsake the Big City of Atlanta and head back to our own familiar burg of Asheville, and let me tell ya, I can't wait.

Don't get me wrong, ATL; there are things I will definitely miss. Your abundance of authentic ethnic cuisine; your super-sized Asian grocery stores and farmer's markets, where fresh produce and spices could be had for retarded cheap; your presence of black people in positions of power and influence; and yes, your plethora of big box stores. I liked knowing that I could go back next week and get the same bowl and cup set if I decided I needed more, and that I didn't have to make a snap decision to purchase because the item in question was one-of-a-kind, handmade, limited edition. I do support art, artists, and artisans, and I love that Asheville feels the same way, but I'm just not ready to create my home around hand-thrown, non-dishwasher-safe tableware yet. Especially not if there are to be young children around any time soon.

But I digress. There are things I am all too ready to get away from, and one of them is just...Georgia.

Georgia, darling...you are fucked up. You're like a young heiress to some old cotton fortune who moved into a trailer and started cooking meth, but still for some reason shows up for church every Sunday and has the audacity to be judgmental of the interracial gay couple you saw on Bravo yesterday. Whether it's barring people from buying beer on Sundays, or a school board so inept at getting their shit together that the entire system is threatened with loss of accreditation, or an insistence that underage prostitutes should be criminally prosecuted, you just keep showing your true colors, and, girl, they could use a wash in some color-safe Cheer.

Georgia, I am begging you: lay off the meth and the Jesus creeping, you're making us all look bad, and you're embarrassing yourself. Seriously.

I'm glad that Sunday alcohol sales looks like it's going to get a referendum soon. What the heck reason is there to shut down the beer aisle on Sunday? Oh...wait...religious motivation? Separation of church and state, my friends. I don't care if you think "people oughta be in church on Sunday, 'cause it's the lord's day;" not everyone believes as you do, and some of us don't believe at all. Hell, maybe I believe in Thor, and since mead is the beverage of the gods of Asgard, I think it ought to be mandatory to drink mead on Thursday, or Thor's Day, as it was called before it was corrupted by unbelievers. Doesn't mean I'm right, and it doesn't mean it should be official legislation, because it would be infringing on other people's rights in order to promote my religious agenda.

And the whole child prostitute thing...what the heck, Georgia? Seriously, what is wrong with you? "If these 12-year-old rape victims don't get thrown in jail when we catch them, their pimps might start to think that it's okay to rape and prostitute children, and other kids might get the idea that sex is consequence-free!" Not even kidding about that line of reasoning. Wish I was. But unfortunately, I'm not. Really, pimps would stop pimping if we punished their prostitutes, guys. Oh, and when kids see middle-schoolers walking the streets as hookers and getting raped and beaten up, they get the idea that sex is consequence-free, so they should just start having it. This is the attitude of the Christian Right here in Georgia; way to beat some truly sad victims with the ol' Bible belt, guys.

Asheville has its own set of egregious woo-woo (I swear to Thor, if I hear the phrase, "You should try some homeopathic medicine" one more time, I'm getting my hammer). But the kind of dyed-in-the-wool crazy that comes with the brand of Bible-thumping Jesus creeping that seems so prevalent here is just so much more offensive to me.

Anyway; I'll leave off ranting for today. Mama's got some packing to do.